first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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