my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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