I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
