I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
