oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
