12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
