just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
