awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
