Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
