I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
