I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
