Tell her she can't have a vagina
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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