OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
