My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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