I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
