the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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