i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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