she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
