Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
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