I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
