Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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