you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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