Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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