I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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