maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
