I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
