Plan B is the new Plan A
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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