Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
