If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
