Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
