The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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