I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
