I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
