I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
