Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
