I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
