Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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