all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
