I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
