The maid of honor just puked.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think we might need a safe word for this...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
