Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
