A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
too bad you live with your parents still
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
This is my gift to your gina
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
