I must be too annoying 4 u.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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