I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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