My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I still have a little drunk in my system
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Randomize
