mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
