I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
