Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
