My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
