so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
