ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
