This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
