I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
