I'm so fucking centered right now
Sponge bath it is.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
