I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
