Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
