pop tarts are not kleenex
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
