We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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