I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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