Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
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We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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