I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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