If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
so let's talk penis.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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