I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
