I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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