just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
