we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
