That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
