I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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