dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
