i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
