So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
