This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
