are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
