i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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