just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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