I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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