But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
