tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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