i jhust puked up my retainher.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
